I grew up in Christian home and went to Catholic schools, so sex is definitely not something we would talk about and something I didn’t really learn a lot from until I actually did it.
There are some things in this list I don’t really mind knowing in my 20s, but the last one is something I feel should be imperative to know before one starts having sex. I hope you can relate with this piece and learn at least one thing.
(Having sex for the first time? Read this!)
Communicate your needs and wants
I used to have this mentality that if somebody loves you, or is at least attracted to you, they know or will work towards knowing what you want without having to ask you. This is something my conventional, conservative self was wrong about.
The truth is nobody can read your mind all the time, so it is best to communicate your wants and needs when it comes to sex.
Tired from work but your partner wants some sexy time? Take a rain check. Feeling like having sex in the shower? Tell your partner. Want to get out of the bed to wash up shortly after having sex? Then so be it. Feel strongly about using condoms? Absolutely tell your partner.
Release yourself from the expectations you have in mind before getting disappointed by communicating what you need and want with your partner.
It’s okay to not perform like a porn star
I actually don’t know one person who expected me to act the way I did except for myself, but if you are the person I was in my early 20s, who expects themselves to perform like a porn star, forgive yourself. It’s okay to not perform like a porn star. In fact, it's unrealistic!
These individuals were paid to look a certain way in the videos and what I do is not something directed by a porn director, and it’s probably for the best.
Thanks to porn, though, I learnt some now-basic stuff.
Sometimes you might please yourself better than your partner, and that’s okay
When they say it takes two to tango, I’ve learnt in my 20s that it doesn’t apply to reaching orgasm. Sometimes, your partner just won’t have the capacity to please you more than your vibrator (or yourself alone), and that's okay.
The same is true for when my partner feels this way towards me, and I now take no offence because my partner reaching orgasm with me is good, but it should not be the norm. Reaching orgasm with others is personally a different story, though.
Just… make sure to lock the freaking door
For me, whether you’re in your 20s, 30s, 40s, there are things that you sometimes forget and relearn a little bit late. This one is one of those.
This is probably one thing people in their 20s keep in mind now, especially those who are living in shared houses with mates or complete strangers.
For those with kids at home, in their 20s or not, I’d recommend keeping this in mind as well.
Know yours and your partners' status
Growing up, it was sort of imposed that you should only get intimate with the one you’ll get married to. As I aged and discovered who I really am, I knew that would not be the case for me. So I started exploring.
Fortunately, I always brought condoms with me (yes, women should be bringing condoms, too!) and have had responsible partners. Others might not be so lucky.
Even with condoms on, I realised the importance of knowing my status and knowing my partner’s status. For me it’s like a gift to somebody you want to be intimate and be exclusive with. Sex is so much better when you know yours and your partner’s status.
Having casual pandemic sex or planning to make up for loss time when this pandemic is over? Don’t forget to use vegan, ultra thin natural latex condoms!
Author: Ali de la Cruz
Ali has yet to meet anyone whose music playlist is as all over the place as hers. She likes to pretend she writes her blogs like Carrie Bradshaw.